Persevering in Uncertainty

Self portrait in library by ItsLarryG

Every so often I return to the idea of blogging. I return to the idea of writing and my childhood dream of being a writer. The only problem I ever really had with the entire dream was that I didn’t know what to write about.

That problem may plague plenty of people no matter the discipline. People want to be artists but don’t know what to draw. They want to be YouTubers but don’t know what to make videos about. It’s the age old question of “what should I be doing?”

If I look inward at my own heart, I realize that the reason I’m asking this question is because I want to be recognized for my work. I want others to view my ideas, and I want to feel validated. This doesn’t mean that I also don’t enjoy the process. It simply means that I want my work to be acknowledged.

I don’t believe that it’s wrong to think that way. As humans we all want some portion or version of our work to be recognized and received by others. The problem arises when we stop working because we are not receiving that validation.

Using myself as the example, I love writing. I always have. As a small child I would write stories and create worlds. I dreamed up all kinds of crazy adventures. As I grew older and learned that there were rules to writing I fell away from the practice.

I would still write things, but I would keep them secret because I didn’t want others to judge my writing based on these rules. When I went to college, I avoided being a communications major because I didn’t want my writing to be judged or graded based on technical skill.

I wanted to write without the expectation that whatever I decided to write about would be bound by rules, so I stopped writing for a long time. I stopped writing my stories and pursuing that dream. Instead I took up other hobbies and dreams.

I say all that to say, I knew that I would have to change my writing style, and I didn’t want to. I wanted the recognition but I didn’t want to put in the work to “get better”. I wanted the validation based on raw talent, so I quit.

Since graduating, I’ve started and stopped blogs because I was not receiving the recognition I thought I deserved. I would write a few posts and they would go unnoticed so I would stop. This digital age as conditioned us to crave the recognition of others without fully enjoying the process.

Even though I enjoy writing, I stopped because others weren’t recognizing me. When I say it like that it sounds foolish. Why stop doing something that I love because of others? If I truly enjoy something then the recognition is not necessary.

Who cares if I’m good or not? Who cares if it makes money? Who cares? As long as I am enjoying what I’m doing then it should not matter. Everything you do does not need to bring you some sort of recognition.

I’ll keep this in mind as I continue life. There are things that I do that I absolutely would love to be recognized and remembered for. However, achieving that level of success should not be the standard for everything I do.

I' am deciding to persevere in the uncertainty that is my writing career. I’ll continue to write without the expectation of ever being recognized because I love the practice. That’s how it should be.